Thirty nine year old Anfernee "Penny" Hardaway, has thrown his name into the hat for a potential roster spot, with the Miami Heat. He sees the additions of Lebron James, Chris Bosh and Mike Miller to a team that already had Dwayne Wade and Udonis Haslem and assumes dynasty. At least that is what Hardaway wants you to think.
The truth of the matter is that he needs the money, even if it is the minimum NBA contract. Anfernee doesn't need it himself, he's no Scottie Pippen or Antoine Walker, he invested well. This is a straight cash grab to help old friend, Lil Penny. Lil Penny is broke. Eat out of the trash broke. Squatting in the neighborhood childrens' treehouse broke. Providing oral sex for ten dollars broke.
Everyone remembers the good old days, the glitz, the glamour, the good life. But what no one ever sees is the fall and the descent into squalor. Everything started so innocently. Lil Penny was partying all the time, why not do a little coke to stay up a little later. Cocaine use led to freebasing, which led to crack, which led to heroin, which led to prostituting himself for the next hit or needle.
Lil Penny was the toast of the town. He had the Superbowl commercial, the partying with Steve Urkel and that annoying, "the brain weighs six pounds," shithead kid from Jerry Maguire. He was the king. Who do you think showed an up and coming Tiger Woods the ropes? Lil Penny's bedded more cocktail waitresses and porn stars than he cares to remember. Unfortunately, all he has to show for it is two bankruptcies and Hepatitis C.
Lil P stays well hydrated
Anfernee Hardaway held on as long as he could. He saw his mini-doppelganger falling apart and he tried to help. He warned Lil Penny about the dangers of hobnobing with Gheorge Muresan, the NBA's king of crystal meth. Like most addicts, Lil Penny wasn't interested in changing.
A falling out that both refuse to discuss; but sources claim was based on the inappropriate groping of Hardaway's corgi dog (seen briefly in the Superbowl ad) by Lil Penny, ended their relationship . Anfernee had no idea how bad things had become.
He found out in a big way in 2001, when he awoke to a detoxing Lil Penny; shaking, sweating and hallucinating in his cat's litter box. A brutal two year rehab, including five relapses, followed. The two friends persevered. Now Lil Penny is finally sober, back on his feet and thinking about living the full and gratifying life that he let slip away in a haze of booze, drugs and promiscuous women.
The first step in that plan is rebuilding his lost fortune. Anfernee wants a ring, this fact he will not deny. But he also plans to hand all of the $1.2 million veteran minimum NBA salary over to his old friend. The friend that helped launch his brand in the first place. The friend that went through hell and emerged stronger, wiser and redeemed.
The dynamic duo is reunited and reinvigorated. The Heat would be wise to sign Hardaway because his addition brings not only his veteran leadership, but also his miniature friend. Perhaps the greatest spokesman of all time. Look out world, Lil Penny is back.
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