What's Up Doc Can We Rock?

Lets add one for the thumb with the C's Shaq

It's official, Shaquille O'Neal has signed with the Celtics. Gary Washburn of the Boston Globe says two year deal worth $2.8M.  The situation is perfect for him, as Shaq won't be asked to be the second or third best player on the team. He is a big body off the bench and no matter which way you cut it, he is an upgrade over Sheldon Williams, which could essentially be his role when Perkins returns midseason.

I've always had a soft spot for Shaq due to the timing of his emergence. I was young and impressionable when Shaq burst into the league. Basketball was scorching with Team USA, the Jordan glory days and the Fab Five; and Shaq became one of the league's biggest stars. I wore long Bugs Bunny and Taz t-shirts, dunked mini-basketballs on hoops lowered to eight feet and listened to Shaq's seminal record, "Shaq Diesel." Sure I was a dork, but the "Shaq is cool," luster never wore off for me, even when he joined the hated Lakers and led them to three titles. Washed up or not, I just like the idea of having Shaq on the Celtics.

Lets examine what Shaq can bring to the table for Boston.

Shaq thinks he is a dwarf from Lord of the Rings

Shaq is an imposing presence. Kimbo Slice (pictured above) is a scary bastard and he looks downright cuddly next to Shaq. Add him into a front court with KG, Jermaine O'Neal, Big Baby and eventually, Kendrick Perkins and you've created the most imposing front court in the league. Suddenly Dwight Howard and Marcin Gortat don't seem all that big. Carlos Boozer and Joakim Noah seem totally undersized. Perhaps most importantly; Chris Bosh, Zydrunas Ilgauskus, Joel Anthony and Udonis Haslem seem like useless skyscrapers in the path of a rampaging Godzilla.

The Celtics can own the paint against anyone in the league with this front court. It is a humongous tactical advantage next season.

TigerStyle

Shaq has a talent for nicknames. He has Shaq-Fu, The Diesel, Superman, The Big Aristotle, The Big Agave and already The Big Shamrock. Shaq also bestowed Paul Pierce with one of the greatest nicknames in league history in "The Truth." That is right, Shaq coined "The Truth." It is one of my favorite Paul Pierce anecdotes of all time. From ESPN.com:

Pierce was nearing the end of his breakthrough third season at the time. He averaged more than 20 points (25.1 ppg) for the first time and took the reins from Antoine Walker (23.4 ppg) as the C's leading scorer. What happened after the game is what made it a watershed moment in Pierce's career, though.

Shaquille O'Neal, in the midst of his three-peat and a role as the most dominant force in the game, pulled a Boston reporter aside and offered the following: "Take this down. My name is Shaquille O'Neal, and Paul Pierce is the [expletive] truth. Quote me on that, and don't take nothing out. I knew he could play, but I didn't know he could play like this. Paul Pierce is the truth."

Awesome, awesome story. Rondo could use a nickname. Shaq conferring something really snazzy, would be worth the contract in and of itself.

The Axis of Asshat

Shaq has the perfect vendettas to be a Celtic. He won a championship with Dwayne Wade in Miami and would surely enjoy going back in with the Celts and beating his old running mate. Shaq played last season with Lebron and from most reports, the Cavs' locker room wasn't all sunshine and roses. Shaq called Chris Bosh "the RuPaul of big men." About Dwight Howard, Shaq said; "everything he's done, I've invented." He wants to humilate every Celtics obstacle in the Eastern Conference.

Most importantly Shaq's biggest bulls-eye is dead center on Kobe Bryant, Phil Jackson and the Lakers. The former coach, teammate and team that spurned him; trading him away after he led the franchise to three championships. Shaq got a taste of revenge in Miami, but there is no doubt he is thirsty for more. That burning desire to beat the Purple and Gold is a match made in Celtics heaven.

Sleeves are optional tonight boys

Shaq wears vests as shirts. Seriously, it doesn't get much manlier or more bad ass than that. I am 110% behind the stance of forgoing the restrictive formality of sleeves. Shaq lends legitimacy to that ideal.

Dapper Don

BAM, red carpet, all white, vest as shirt. Bask in the glory of this outfit. You are lying to yourself if you think you wouldn't wear this if you could get away with it.

So there you have it, for a measly and easily absorbed veterans minimum contract you get everything above, plus whatever Shaq does on the actual court. I don't see much downside here. Hopefully he shows up in Boston tomorrow with Fu-Schnickens, turns to Glen Rivers and asks, "what's up Doc, can we rock?"